![]() ![]() so’s I could pick up a bunch of those golden tall boys for Best Actor, Best Director, Best Writer, Best Producer, Best Best Boy for my work on my self-produced epic blockbuster, Art Kumbalek vs. ![]() Hey, Hyundais all around, I’m buying!Īnd I imagine soon I’d be going over by the Oscar ceremony out there in L.A. And the Hyundai four-wheel ride? Cripes, if it gets stolen, what the fock, with my kind of Mega dough, I’ll just buy another one. Then, I might go to some kind of car dealership, like the Hyundai, and pick up some nice transportation that doesn’t require a mask to enter the door and take a seat amongst a handful of the hoi polloi whose destinations seem less than rosy. And I’ll bet you a buck two-eighty I might even score a toaster or a nice coffee percolator with a deposit like that, you think? Oh, the places I’d go! Like the bank for starters. Jeez louise, had I won and taken the lump-sum cash, it would’ve registered out ’round about $325 million in today’s dollars-not too shabby a chunk-of-change, ain’a? The bad news for yours truly? I did not cop top honors in the Mega Millions extravaganza drawing last Friday, what the fock. Lucky (apologies to my friend, the great comedian Dobie Maxwell, for borrowing his well-deserved title, here). I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, first, the good news for yours truly from the last couple, three days or so: I have not been struck by lightning, nor had I been pancaked dead by that Chinese rocket that was to scream back down to Earth somewheres sometime last weekend, nor was I plugged full of holes by some focking lunatic out exercising his Second Amendment rights.
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